Long Distance Relationships

My experience, thoughts and advice

I remember googling »long distance relationship« when I first got into it. We all search for answers on the internet in this century, so I’m writing this hoping someone might benefit from it. It feels weird to write about it because it’s not some city about which I can make a list of pros and cons, neither can I tell you how much maple syrup to add to make it sweet. It’s something very personal, and yet it’s something that I feel like sharing. So, with the boyfriend’s permission, here’s my honest experience in a long distance relationship.

Parque del Retiro, Madrid.

How did we meet

There’s a big chance that you already know that because you’re my friend or you’ve read my previous posts here and on Instagram. In case you’re not and you didn’t, I’ll very happily tell this story again, as it’s my favourite. We met on our Erasmus exchange in London, in a shitty neighbourhood called Cricklewood, in dodgy old student halls. At the beginning, we were just friends as we both belonged to a group of exchange and international students from all over the place. We got along, but nothing much more than that. I thought he was cute, but at that time everyone was flirting with everyone, and we both had other interests, let’s say. Until something clicked, as it always does, and we became something more than just friends.

The group of exchange and international students from all over the place (well, a part of it).

How did we agree on staying together

We only defined ourselves as together days after we had left London. In London we behaved like a couple, but we never said we were one. That goodbye was the hardest in my whole life. What scared me the most was that I didn’t know what we would be when we’d see each other again. We agreed on me visiting him in the end of summer, and him visiting me in the end of October, but it wasn’t enough for me. I didn’t understand whether that meant that we’d be with other people or not, whether we’d keep in touch, whether he’d forget about me in a couple of months. Luckily, we both wanted the same thing. It only took some texting to confirm that we were together and trying this whole long distance thing.

The reactions

The reactions, at least on my side, were pretty bad, to be honest. I could count the friends and family that were optimistic about us on the fingers of one hand, and I don’t know if I’d get to five. Some were somewhat optimistic, but in the sense that it was a good experience and »worth trying«. What they really meant was that it was a nice temporary thing, and I’d get over it eventually because it was impossible and wouldn’t last. My mum was sceptical, my close friends were sceptical, not to mention my grandmother, of course. I wasn’t, though, at least not much. And here we are a year and a half later.

How do we do it?

Well, we spend a lot of money on plane tickets, a lot of time texting and many hours talking via Skype. We try to visit each other at least every month and a half to two months. The longest time we spent without seeing each other was three months (right after London), and the shortest was about 3 weeks. To be honest, time passes quickly, especially if you’re busy. And you get used to it.

I think communication is key: we’re in touch through WhatsApp throughout the day, and we skype about two times per week. We don’t do many phone calls, but I guess that’s because we belong to the generation that stopped using phones for that. We tell each other about what we’re doing, about the problems we have and the good things that happen to us. I guess we do what normal couples do, just that most of the time we can’t tell it in person.

Why is it somewhat easier for us

I’m not saying it couldn’t be easier; he could’ve been from Venice or something, and then we’d see each other every couple of weeks. Valencia is further away; it’s too far to travel to by car, train or bus. And yet, it’s not that far. The flight only takes two hours, and I don’t live too far from Trieste’s airport, neither does he from the one in Valencia. The tickets aren’t that expensive if you buy them in advance, and you aren’t picky about dates. Sometimes Ryanair cancels a flight and you can stay longer, haha. Plus, we’re in the same time zone which makes things a lot easier as well.

Would I recommend it?

When we had just got together, I talked about it with a guy who used to be in a long distance relationship (at the time he was still in the relationship, it just wasn’t long distance anymore). He said that he wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. That you’re simply not there when something’s wrong. I have to agree with that. No hug for you when you need it. He also told me that I should be prepared to move, and I can’t say this isn’t true either. It’s in the back (and often in the front) of my mind every minute of every day.

I would only recommend getting into a long distance relationship if you really love the other person. If you’re in love with them, you think they’re the one for you, you think it’ll never be as good with anyone else. I felt all that, and that’s why it made sense for me. But I knew the guy, we lived in the same flat for nine months. I doubt that you can feel that for someone you’ve known for three days, but who am I to be the judge of that. Not living ten time zones apart also increases your chances and makes it more worth trying in my opinion.

My advice

If you feel all the right feelings (and the other person does as well, that’s obviously crucial), and you get into a long distance relationship … You need to trust them. You need to believe that they’ll wait for you, and you can’t panic every time they go to a party. Trust is fundamental in every relationship, but it’s absolutely necessary in a long distance one.

The second important thing is to plan ahead and make sure you’ll have enough time and money to visit your boyfriend/girlfriend. It’s fair that you visit each other more or less equally, even though that’s not always possible. That’s okay too, you just both need to agree on it.

The third key point is, as already mentioned, communication. You won’t see each other after work/uni or in the evening, so you’ve got to text, call, skype, ask and answer. You need to plan cool things, like watching a film together while skyping, send songs to each other, record audio messages and write nice texts.

In front of a garage, apparently, Valencia.

Final thoughts

I’m usually pretty down after we’ve spent time together, and then one of us must go back home. It’s not that difficult to adjust later, but the actual goodbye is dreadful. That said, I’m absolutely thrilled when I’m about to visit him or he’s about to visit me, so that makes up for it.

The thing is that a long distance relationship is not only a romantic story of lovely messages, getting to know another culture (at least in my case) and seeing new places. It is all that, but it’s also a lot of waiting and missing, some severe phone addiction, lots of staring at each other through a screen, many hours at airports and a lot of tears. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret anything about my relationship, and I’d do it all over again any time. But it’s not because of the long distance relationship itself. It’s because of the guy with whom I’m in it.

In somewhat kind circumstances (as in not living on different sides of the planet) long distance relationships are possible. And they can be pretty damn great. If they don’t work, they probably don’t because the people who are in them aren’t fit to be together, not because of the distance itself. The distance is manageable, and it’s temporary. Getting yourselves to the same location, you leaving your home and family or he/she leaving theirs, is a whole different story, worth another blog post. I’m into travel and living abroad, and I’d obviously like to eventually live in the same place as my boyfriend, but the future and leaving home scares me shitless. I suppose that’s normal, and I still have time to deal with it. We’ll deal with it together. 😊

Sunshine Blogger Award 2018 Nomination

I’m happy to say (well, write) that my blog, Nikecream, has been nominated for the Sunshine Blogger Award 2018, a blogger-to-blogger award searching for inspiring blogs. This is a great opportunity to discover interesting blogs and new content. In order to accept the nomination I have a few tasks to complete, so let’s get into it!

Sunshine Blogger Award 2018

The tasks

  1. Thank the blogger who nominated you in the blog post and link back to their blog.
  2. Answer the 11 questions the blogger asked you.
  3. Nominate new blogs to receive the award and write them 11 new questions.
  4. List the rules and display the Sunshine Blogger Award logo in your post and/or on your blog

Faraway Horizons

I was nominated by the lovely Andrea who runs the blog called Faraway Horizons. She’s from Ohio, and she inspires people to travel and go on adventures with her own amazing stories. She accompanies her posts with beautiful pictures.

My Answers to Faraway Horizons’ questions

If the police caught you doing something that landed you in jail, what would you have been doing?

Saving animals from a slaughterhouse, probably.

If you could travel back in time, what advice would you give to the child version of yourself?

Calm down. You can’t influence what happens to the people around you, it’s not in your power.

You’re travelling to a remote area (without phone or internet) of your choosing. What is the first thing you plan on bringing (living or inanimate)?

Is my boyfriend a legit answer?

Beach or mountains? Explain.

Beach. I grew up by the sea, and I’ll never like a mountain more than a beach.

What is one inspirational song that everyone should have on their playlist?

The Show Must Go On by Queen.

What is your favourite lucky number? Why?

3. Because it’s my mum’s favourite, because I was born in 1993, and because I live on the 3. floor.

What profession did you dream of doing as a child?

I wanted to be a singer, then an actress, then a writer. I still want to be a writer.

Are you doing what you had dreamed of doing? If not, why not?

Yes and no. I’m still finishing uni, so I’m technically not working yet. I’m translating occasionally, and that’s also something I had wanted to do. And I’m writing this blog, as well as working on my first book, so you could say I’m a writer too, an amateur one. I wouldn’t call any of this a dream come true, though. Not yet.

What’s your philosophy towards life/living?

You never have it as bad as you think you do. You have people and things someone out there can only dream of. Suck it up, open your eyes to things in your life that are beautiful, and enjoy them to the fullest. Life’s too short not to.

What is one piece of advice you would give to someone who had started a blog, but is now thinking of giving up on it?

If you think it’s not for you, then by all means give up, and start doing something you enjoy more. If you just feel like you don’t have time, try to make time for it at least every couple of weeks. In the end, it’s a matter of priorities. If you’re lacking inspiration, get out there and do something. Then write about it.

It’s a rainy Saturday afternoon at home. What are you doing?

Ideally, I’m making a vegan dessert and writing a blog post, then reading a good book or watching something with my mum.  Or skyping with the boyfriend. It’s more likely that I’m either studying or working, though. Sad times.

Questions for my Sunshine Blogger Award nominees to answer

  1. What do you love about writing?
  2. Where do you find inspiration for your blog posts?
  3. If the world ended tomorrow, what would be the last meal you’d have?
  4. What’s the next place you plan on visiting?
  5. What was the best destination you’ve been to so far and why?
  6. If you had to spend a week without internet, which three books would you read?
  7. Summer or winter? Explain.
  8. What do you love about your country (and which one is it)?
  9. What do you dislike about it?
  10. Would you ever move to another country?
  11. What was the last thing you cooked?

My nominees for the Sunshine Blogger Award 2018

Wild Peonie

A blog about healthy cooking and travelling, run by a lovely Slovenian girl who’s in love with adventures and has un undeniable sweet tooth. Accompanied by exciting videos from her travels and pictures of her recipes. The blog is in Slovenian and in English.

Pretty Sweet

A Slovenian baker who’s regularly posting recipes of all the possible desserts. Some of them are quite exotic, and she adds beautiful pictures to all of them. The blog is in Slovenian and in English.

Nurielle Ari

An artist, an aspiring chef and a wanderer who’s sharing tips on vegan nutrition and fitness. All from her camper. Her posts are available in English and in Spanish.

Wherever Vegan

A blog about veganism and travel! The owner, Cameron Ralg, offers tips on how to travel as a vegan.

Literally Everywhere

A blog run by Yasmin, a full-time traveller, blogger and minimalist. She offers travel recommendations and gorgeous photography.

The Tangerine Blog

Priya is sharing her love for travel, fashion and vegan food. She also posts yummy vegan recipes!

The Blog of Bildo

Billi is writing about everyday life on her blog. About family, relationships, stories and thoughts. The best thing about her blog is that it’s honest and hilarious.

Nat’s Vegan Fitness

A blog run by Natalie, a vegan foodie who posts simple recipes for delicious vegan treats. She’s also very active on Instagram!

Vegan Han

Hannah’s blog about vegan food, restaurants and running. She also has an Instagram account where she posts daily vegan food inspiration.

Rebeka Asceric

Rebeka runs a blog about makeup and travel. She posts makeup tutorials, product reviews and useful travel tips! Her blog is in English and in Slovenian.

Anna Winstone

Anna writes about vegan food, health, and she posts some cool vegan recipes. She also has an Instagram account where she shares pictures of her food.

 

Final thoughts

The Sunshine Blogger Award 2018 is an amazing way for bloggers to connect, for people to discover new blogs, and for amazing content to be shared. I really enjoyed writing this post and checking my nominees’ blogs, whether it was for the first or the fifteenth time. I realise that almost all my nominees write either about travel, veganism or both. What can I say, you like what you like. Thank you for reading! I hope it was as interesting for you as it was for me.

25 Things I Learned in 25 Years

So, 25 things I learned in 25 years. It’s my birthday, and as I’ve now completed a quarter of a century, I’m closer to thirty than to twenty and I’m halfway to fifty, I thought it would be appropriate to write something about it. The points listed below are things I’m aware of, but I’m not, you know, practicing what I’m preaching all the time and in all aspects of life yet. So, I’m telling this to myself as much as I’m telling it to you, hoping some of these 25 things might inspire you.

25-year-old girl
My cake, myself and my doggo.

1. Spend time with your family

I often feel like I’m too busy to visit my grandma, take a walk with my mum or do some other family-related activity. The thing is, though, that when I do it, I never regret it. They appreciate it, I enjoy it, and in the end it’s one of the most important and valuable things in life. For my mum and me it’s quite easy as we like similar music and we’re both into travelling, so concerts and trips are something we can do together.

2. Meet friends regularly

What social media did to us, or at least to me, is the fake illusion that we see people and know what’s going on in their lives, when in reality we only know what they choose to show. We’re all busy, of course, but it’s important to find time for the people we really care about and actually meet them in person from time to time.

3. Accept that some friendships end

As we grow up, we lose contact with some people. Busy schedules might have a lot to do with it, but often it’s simply about having different interests. Sometimes we must accept that certain friendships worked perfectly when we were kids or teenagers but ceased to exist in our twenties.

4. There’s no perfect relationship or friendship

Whether it’s a friendship or a romantic relationship, there will always be times when one will annoy the other, or there will be brief periods of bad mood. As long as they are brief, the two people are capable of sorting it out with respect and humour, there’s nothing abnormal or wrong with that; we’re all human and nobody can be perfect all the time.

5. When he/she’s the right one, you’ll know

I don’t believe that there’s only one soulmate out there for each person. I think it’s all a result of a lot of coincidence and being in the right place at the right time. But when it clicks, you know it. You can understand that with this person you get along as you never got along with anyone before. And you understand why it has never worked with anyone before.

6. Long distance relationships are possible

I always thought they were some phenomenon from Hollywood films that would never work in real life. How can you be with someone you never see? Well, you can’t; you got to see each other. You have to be prepared to spend time skyping and visiting each other, and money on plane tickets. It works as long as both want it badly enough to work for it.

7. Long distance friendships work too

During my exchange in London I didn’t only meet my boyfriend; I also met some of my best friends. Of course, it’s easier to be friends with someone who lives close to you, but it’s by no mean impossible to keep in touch with someone who’s far, at least not in this century. I still talk to my ex flatmates regularly via WhatsApp and Facebook, we skype occasionally, and we meet when time and money allow us. It’s not perfect, but it works.

8. Buying lots of things won’t make you happy

Going to shopping centres and shopping streets, and buying things I mostly didn’t need was something I used to enjoy. I bought many items of clothing that I then gave away without wearing them once. In time, I simply stopped doing that; I now buy clothes when I really need them, or really like them, and even then I try not to buy from big chain stores, but from local boutiques or second-hand shops instead.

9. Less is more when it comes to makeup

In high school I wouldn’t leave the house without eye liner. Man, are those days gone. It’s not that I don’t wear makeup now, I do. There’s just a lot less of it, it’s a lot simpler and from ethical brands. Plus, there are many days when I simply don’t wear it at all because I just can’t be bothered to put it on.

10. Money spent on travel is never wasted

I’ve never regretted a trip; even when I disliked the accommodation, the exact location or an organized trip, I still didn’t regret spending money on visiting the actual place. Travelling creates some of the best memories and opens your eyes to things you could never learn just from books, the TV or the internet.

11. Living abroad is the shit

Living abroad is completely different from travelling, and you never get to know a place that well if you simply spend a week there as a tourist. Getting to know what it feels like to use the public transport daily, to buy food in local shops weekly, and to hang out with the locals, gives you a unique experience that a short time visit never could.

12. Learning languages is one of the best things you can do

I study languages, so of course I’m going to say that, but I really think it’s enjoyable in general. Being able to understand and speak a foreign language can give you an understanding of a culture you couldn’t have otherwise, not to mention how useful it is when you travel, or how cool it is to talk to locals in their mother tongue.

13. Going to concerts is always worth it

I love music even if I don’t play any instruments anymore; I used to play the flute when I was a child but I gradually lost interest. Live music, especially if there’s a band I know and like performing, makes me feel all the feelings. I’ve spent quite a lot of money on concerts tickets and have been to quite a few countries just to see a band, but I regret nothing. Absolutely nothing.

14. Reading books is one of the best past time activities

Books allow you to live another life, to learn languages and vocabulary, to engage your mind in the most enjoyable way, to boost your imagination. I’m determined to work hard on giving myself more time for reading books; the pile next to my bed is getting too big.

 15. Use an agenda

Planning, writing things down in my agenda and sticking to it makes a big difference, even if I don’t manage to do everything I had planned for the day. I’m lost, and I forget things if I don’t write them down, plus this sort of gives me motivation, not to mention the satisfaction when I cross things out once they’re done. I usually spend a couple of minutes checking what I have to do every morning, and I also plan the week every Sunday evening.

16. Limit the amount of time for every activity

I try to make myself stop doing a particular thing even if it’s not finished: this gives me the opportunity to do other things, and to do more of different things daily. I’m bad at this, though; I often find it hard to stop myself from doing something that’s unfinished.

17. Have a sleeping routine

If I’m completely honest, I still have a lot to learn in this department, but I noticed that when I do manage to go to bed and drag myself out of it at approximately the same time for a few days in a row, I’m more productive. For me it would be ideal to go to bed at 10, read until 11, and then sleep until 7.

18. Limit phone use

Checking Instagram or Facebook before bed is the worst idea, at least in my case; it makes me not even touch the book that’s lying next to me, and it makes me stay up too late. I try to check emails and read some news in the morning before I start working and browse The Gram after lunch. I’m sort of out of the habit of checking Facebook daily, anyway. I think that’s now my mother’s and her generation’s thing.

19. Watching lots of TV series is a waste of time

And the same goes for shitty films. I used to do both on an almost daily basis a couple of years ago. Now I barely watch anything; I mostly only do if there’s someone else with me. Don’t misunderstand me, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with watching good films or TV series. On the contrary; I think it’s beneficial as it can teach you a great deal of language and culture. It’s just that it’s often hard to find enough time for it. When I do watch something, I try to make sure it’s beneficial for me in some way (languages), or it’s something I really want to see.

20. Quality over quantity when it comes to going out

I used to party and drink much more than I do now, and I think I sort of got it out of my system. I still enjoy going out and having a few drinks occasionally, and especially when I’m abroad and with I haven’t seen in a long time or with new people (maybe these are just excuses for my partying in Spain this summer). But generally, when I’m home, I prefer to just hang out without drinking, and I do less of that than I used to. I drink for special occasions like my birthday, New Year’s Eve or some other party that feels special to me. A good night’s sleep and no hangover are much more important than they’re used to be (getting old, I guess).

21. Doing sport daily is beneficial

But if, and only if, I don’t feel too tired; there are days like this too, and when they come, I rest. Most of the time, though, moving my body from 40 minutes up to an hour, or sometimes an hour and a half, makes my day so much better, whether I go for a run, for a bike ride, for a long walk or even if I just exercise in my room with the help of YouTube.

22. Healthy in general with occasional treats when it comes to food

My friends say I’m a food wanker, but I do like my occasional chocolate. Otherwise, they’re right; eating whole foods, mostly lots of veggies and fruit, makes me feel good. I also find it easier not to have junk food at home; if it’s not there, I won’t eat it.

23. The taste isn’t worth the harm animal products cause

Oh, come on, I mentioned 22 things before getting to veganism. Once I got over the fact that most of the people in my life don’t understand my way of eating or agree with it, and once I stopped missing certain foods I loved before going vegan, this lifestyle became one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. It makes me feel good in relation to so many things: animal welfare, the environment, my own body. If you’re interested in why I’m vegan, you can read about it here.

24. Accept yourself as you are

I used to hate certain things about my body and my personality that I’m slowly learning to accept. That doesn’t mean there’s no room for improvement, it’s just about not feeling less worthy because you don’t look like or behave like someone else. Loving yourself and your life and wanting to be exactly who you are is one of the most valuable things you can learn to do.

25. Dream big but be practical

I’m sort of doing that, and I’d like to think it’s a good plan. I want to publish a book one day, but that doesn’t mean I’m closed inside my room focusing on that only. I’m working on my writing, but I’m also studying languages because I know I have to keep my options open, and a translation-related job might come before a writing-related one or anything even remotely close to a best-seller.

The end

And I thought I was going to have trouble coming up with 25 things I learned in 25 years. I could come up with another 25. Anyway, congrats if you got this far, I know it’s a lengthy post. Thanks for reading and I hope some of the points were useful to you in some way. 🙂